i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We need a shit load of segways right now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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