I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
