"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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