I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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