I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
