I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
