She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
