Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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