Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
