Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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