Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i believe in u and ur pee
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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