either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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