y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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