just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
