Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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