you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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