"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
