I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
