I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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