I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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