So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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