Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
