Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
