I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
