In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
