Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
