I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think my vagina is haunted
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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