i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
