You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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