Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
