"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
