That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me. At least after what I've been through.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
