I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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