You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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