Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
