Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
