This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
