We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
