It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I deserve this hangover.
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