I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize