girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
