Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
