I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
