if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
