he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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