True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
