So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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