Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
