So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So many bounce houses so little time
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
