why didn't you poke me back
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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