people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
