glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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