I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
