This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
