Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
