I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
