hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
