Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
