New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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