Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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