ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
