just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
