Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
