I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
