I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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