I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
