No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
FUCK WHALES
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
