he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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