sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
