Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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