I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
