He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
