I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
