he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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