DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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