Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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